Insanity
by I'Love'Fred'Weasley'Most
Summary: Sirius sat in his cell, wondering, agonizing, over his previous life. How he wished he could have saved them from the torture he felt now. Meanwhile, a strangely humanized dementor watches on.


Heeyy! I'm Eliza and this is my first **Harry Potter **Fic! Thank you to my beta/s RonandFredareSmexiiandAweshum... review their story, it's great! I hope you enjoy it and please review!

**Insanity**.

_Dementors POV_

Inside the many cells of Azkaban, sat a man. He was young, though the crimes for which he been accused had given his face a weathered look, handsome, though he would not be for long. They all turned out the same after a while. Raving lunatics, insanity taken over there every move. There had been an onslaught of new cell mates since this 'Sirius Black' had been taken in. Most seemed already half mad and not many had an ounce of self control. He though, was different. Though he curled up in one corner of his cell, and looked depressed like the rest of them, he did not look guilty. That was a difference many could see. Each time the humans came in to check on our work, they looked frightened, even petrified of seeing a sane prisoner. The rest of them screamed the night away, especially that Bellatrix. Man, did that give the dementors headaches. But, he was moving away from the subject. This was about him. The one with the endlessly moving shadow. There was something weird, something even dementors could sense. Innocence. Now, he did not know the meaning of that word, but it was somehow keeping this…man… free from the grasping tendrils of us. That…that was NOT right. All prisoners caved under. Not yet had I seen one escape sane, and this one would be no different. Right?

_Sirius' POV_

I had never thought I would end up this way. A nothing, a nobody, rotting in the same way as most of my family before me. But I was still different; I would never be like them. I wasn't MEANT to be here. They were. It had started when I went to Hogwarts. Became best friends with 'mudbloods' and blood traitors. Then got sorted into Gryffindor, first one in my family since centuries before. Of course, my family could not stand for that. So I was disowned, well, as I call it, I ran away. Perfect. I lived with my best friend, and honorary brother. That was fine. I was happy. Then, guess what. Voldemort came along, and destroyed not just mine, but everyone's lives. Especially mine…

Bellatrix was in the cell next to me, you would have thought that would be a security risk, Black and Black together. At least they had moved her away from that cold-brute of a husband of hers. She had been torturing me with news of my brother. That was another thing that plagued me, the rights and wrongs of my brother, little Regulus Black.  
_"He turned out every bit as a blood traitor as you…"_  
That quote from Bellatrix kept running through my head. She had told me he was 'missing in action', sent on an impossible mission from the Dark Lord. 'His loyalty was fading' she taunted, 'He had to be gotten rid of one way or another.' I can't help being a little sorry for him, but then the familiar anger runs through my bones. The smug look on his face in my last year of school, outside the train station, as he was congratulated by his parents for his school year. He was everything they wanted for an heir, and they had preened him well in my absence. It was as if I had never existed. And I hadn't, not in their eyes. Just a betrayer of the family virtues, of all they held dear. Regulus, they used as a little puppet, to carry out the work they were altogether too wimpy to carry out their selves. And he was proud.

Bellatrix's story plays over in my mind, I should be comforted by the thought of Regulus seeing sense and rebelling against Voldemort. I like to believe he has that kind of strength. I am without hope of his life though, without hope for mine as well. I am kept alive by the truth that I am innocent, but I would rather be dead than to obsess over my life so helplessly.

It was ironic, really, that I should be publicly recognized as a follower of Voldemort, the most loyal servant to Him. I overshadow, like older brothers do, whilst he goes completely unseen and unremarkable contributor to the Dark Lords ascent to power. I am almost apologetic for taking his lifes glory, but I am wholly bitter.

It's nearly nightfall now, and the moon shines overhead. The full moon lights up the sky tonight and I wonder how you're doing without us. Are you out there somewhere, howling for Padfoot and Prongs, even for Wormtail? Is it lonely without us? But you wouldn't miss me would you. You probably believe, as all others out there, that I was the one to betray Lily and James, betray you. But you have the right to be doubtful. I didn't trust you, I didn't talk to you, I was vague and didn't answer any of your questions about missions I'd been on. I acted suspiciously. I wish now I'd told you about switching to Peter, I know now it wasn't you. It was that rat. The little bastard who betrayed us all. He should be here, and I know it. If I ever get out of here, when I get out, I will get him. And I will kill him, mercilessly, for daring to ruin my life. Ruin James' and Lily's, yours, and little Harry's. He would grow up without a father now, without a mother. The guilt is unbearable, that I did it.

'Sorry' seems such a trivial word. So much I am not sorry for and so much I am. I know I am wrongly convicted but I am not wholly innocent. I am not whole, merely half or a quarter… I can't breathe. I was never suited for being locked up; I'm unable to take such a small space. I'm watching the moon; it's just visible through the pathetic crack of a window. I wonder how many more moons I will see before I just give up my soul.

I'll probably just waste away here, like the rest of them, and never see any of you again. I'll never get to say how much any of you mean to me, or tease McGonagall again. I'll never be confused by Dumbledore's riddles, or be frightened of Order missions. I might just give up my soul already.


End file.
